The Importance of Self-Regulation in Children: A Foundation for Learning and Wellbeing

Throughout the day, every child experiences different emotions, challenges, and levels of readiness to learn. Excitement, frustration, disappointment, worry, and anger are all natural parts of growing up. At BISC-LP, we recognize that children are still learning how to understand these feelings and manage their responses. Developing regulation skills is therefore an important part of their social, emotional, and academic growth.

What is regulation?

Regulation is the ability to manage emotions, attention, energy levels, and behavior. For children, this may mean calming themselves when upset, managing frustration when something feels difficult, waiting their turn, or refocusing after a distraction.

These skills develop gradually and should not be expected to appear automatically. Just as children learn academic skills through teaching, modelling, and practice, they need support to develop regulation. All adults play an important role in helping children build these skills over time by providing guidance, opportunities to practice, and strategies they can use independently. Are all children born knowing how to do long division or write a poem? They are able to do it because they continually build upon existing skills and are given tools and practice to support them.

Co-regulation comes first

Children learn self-regulation through their relationships with responsive adults. When adults remain calm, predictable, and reassuring during difficult moments, they help children feel safe and supported. Our tone of voice, body language, and choice of words can have a significant impact on a child's emotional state.

Over time, children begin to internalize these experiences and develop their own ability to manage emotions and cope with challenges. Self-regulation grows from repeated experiences of being co-regulated by trusted adults.

Looking beyond behavior

When children struggle to regulate, their behavior is often the most visible sign. They may become tearful, angry, restless, withdrawn, or unable to concentrate. Rather than focusing only on stopping the behavior, it is helpful to consider what the child may be communicating through it.

At BISC-LP, we recognize that behavior often reflects an underlying need. A restless child may need movement or connection, while a child refusing a task may feel overwhelmed or lack confidence. Understanding the possible reason behind the behavior allows adults to respond with empathy while maintaining clear and consistent boundaries.

Explicit teaching

Regulation strategies are most effective when taught and practiced during calm moments rather than introduced for the first time during emotional situations.

Children can learn to recognize physical signs of strong emotions, such as a racing heart, tense muscles, or feeling unable to sit still.

Children can then practice strategies such as:

• Slow breathing
• Movement breaks
• Positive self-talk
• Grounding techniques

Seeking support from a trusted adult.

Circle Time, PSHE lessons, and everyday interactions in our school help children develop a personal toolkit of strategies and understand which approaches work best for them in different situations.

Practical activities

Supporting regulation does not require waiting for a major emotional reaction. Everyday moments provide valuable opportunities to help children identify and manage their feelings. Start by noticing and naming emotions: "It looks like you're feeling frustrated because that didn't go the way you expected."

Next, help children think about what might support them. Questions such as "What could help your body feel calmer?" encourage problem-solving and self-awareness. Over time, children begin to recognize which strategies work for them, whether that is taking a few slow breaths, moving around, taking a break, or talking to someone.

Regular practice during calm times makes it easier to use these tools when challenges arise.

Regulation is a skill for life

Our goal is not to expect children to suppress emotions or remain calm at all times. Instead, we want to help them understand their feelings, develop effective coping strategies, and become increasingly independent.

Regulation is the process, co-regulation is the support adults provide, and self-regulation is the child's developing ability to manage themselves. With patience, consistency, and connection, we can help children build skills that support their learning, relationships, wellbeing, and success throughout life.

Interested in seeing how we nurture students' wellbeing, emotional development, and academic success every day?

Visit BISC Lincoln Park to learn more or schedule a personal tour.

Carla Williamson

Year 3 Leader